My door bell rings. I go downstairs to answer and find a sea lion standing there.
I know why he is there. He wants to hear all my problems.
He stands patiently as I spend several minutes telling him all my troubles.
He is quiet and occasionally nods which I take to mean that he is agreeing with me.
When I’ve finished speaking he honks at me. He wants payment. I hadn’t realised this was a service. I thought the sea lion was just being nice.
‘I don’t have any fish,’ I tell him.
He honks at me again. I can tell he is annoyed by the tone of his honk.
‘I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do,’ I say. ‘I don’t have any fish here.’
I close the door on him feeling guilty.
For the rest of the day the sea lion follows me around honking at me and calling me a dick.