Sometimes I get many dreams a night. They come in rapid fire like someone has a remote control for my head and keeps flicking channels.
There’s a human sized hole in the floor of my shop. It’s a perfect circle of black. I jump in without thinking and land in a dark cave. I start digging with my bare hands, the earth thrown into the air floats away above my head.
I’m digging to the centre of the earth.
I finally reach the core to discover a giant cavern with a small wooden door spinning violently at the centre. I leap from the tunnel exit at the lip of the cavern and land on the door.
I spin with it and I@m almost thrown off but I manage to grab the door handle, turn and push through.
I find myself in a dark room with a cinema sized screen on one wall and a video game controller at my feet. The screen shows a selection of superheros to choose from and I realise I can choose from one of these superheroes as use them to perform actions back on Earth’s surface.
I choose the Hulk and get him to destroy Glasgow.
There’s this artist who has stole n a whole load of famous paintings from around the world. She’s been all over the news. She takes the stolen paintings and cuts them up and turns them into collages. The collages are amazing but everyone is still angry because they’re priceless works of art.
She’s finally discovered and she lives underground in a cave plastered with her artwork.
Turns out the artists is my cat. Clever girl.
A young girl has a vision predicting a tsunami. A bunch of go to the top of a high building at the city centre. The wave is huge and comes crashing through the city destroying buildings. It laps at our rooftops before washing away.
Across the street from us the facade of a building has disintegrated to reveal two huge stone doors like those you’d find on a tomb. A circled Swastika has been carved into across the centre of the two doors. We manage to prise the giant door open and it reveals several stories of nazi treasure: books, paintings, a giant pipe organ and vats of still drinkable beer.
I’m a sports reporter looking to interview the manager of a football team. We’re at their training pitch. I’m holding a microphone and my camera man has positioned himself just behind my shoulder. The team pass the ball and run shuttles. The manager in his oversized black puffer jacket approaches, sees me and turns away. He refuses to talk to me because I’m unshaven.
I make fun of him because he’s a stupid idiot. I copy his stupid idiot walk and his stupid idiot voice. The cameraman keep filming.
The footage goes viral and both the manager and I get sacked from our jobs so we go drinking together.