Dream #81 Sea Lion

My door bell rings. I go downstairs to answer and find a sea lion standing there.

I know why he is there. He wants to hear all my problems.

He stands patiently as I spend several minutes telling him all my troubles.

He is quiet and occasionally nods which I take to mean that he is agreeing with me.

When I’ve finished speaking he honks at me. He wants payment. I hadn’t realised this was a service. I thought the sea lion was just being nice.

‘I don’t have any fish,’ I tell him.

He honks at me again. I can tell he is annoyed by the tone of his honk.

‘I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do,’ I say. ‘I don’t have any fish here.’

I close the door on him feeling guilty.

For the rest of the day the sea lion follows me around honking at me and calling me a dick.

Dream #177 Lego Tyrant

I can see him coming towards me. There is a light behind him so I can only make out his silhouette, a bright halo around his outline.

I can see he is a lego man. A giant lego man. He has that distinct shape: the box torso and cuboid legs, the grapple hands and the rounded head with the protrusion at the top.

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Dream #52 The Mysterious Cities of Gold

I live in Mexico now and I grow lemons. I own a beautiful orchard with thousands of trees in long rigid formations. They do not look like real trees but like the trees a five year old would draw with crayons: thin straight trunk with a roughly drawn, though quite accurate, circle of leaves. Five or six bright yellow lemons were dotted on each tree.

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Dream #98, I am a Gummi Bear

I am a gummi bear. Not the cute cartoon gummi bears from the 80s tv show but a giant edible jelly gummi bear.

I’m seven feet tall. I look at my hands and see thick dumpy jelly-fingers. They are almost translucent but tinged with green and yellow that I know tastes so good.

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Dream #218 Kidnapped

I’ve done something pretty great. I think I’ve written a book that’s getting turned into a big budget movie. Whatever it is I have unwelcome fame. I am on a talk show. Graham Norton?

I explain how I wish I wasn’t famous, that I only want my work to be successful. I like my privacy too much. I tell the host how I have given up my work and have trained to be a police detective over the summer. I have a partner and everything now. She sits beside me.

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Dream #538 Ugandan Retriever

I’m a journalist in Uganda and I need to write the story of the country.

I am in an office. It belongs to an important man from the government. It is a stuffy room with leather chesterfield chairs and high bookcases filled with dusty pages. It reminds me of an old study, the only thing missing is a drinks cabinet disguised as a globe.

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Dream #804 Black dogs

I’m sitting on top of a high shelf overlooking an open plan building. I can see into several areas from my vantage point. Ahead of me a room of people sit around a long breakfast table eating and chatting happily.
The room next door on the left has some kind of class going on; yoga perhaps or something with more energy. A dance class maybe. In front of me are a group of friends sitting on sofas. I’m perched just above them.

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Dreams #888, #16, #429 and #87

Sometimes I get many dreams a night. They come in rapid fire like someone has a remote control for my head and keeps flicking channels.

There’s a human sized hole in the floor of my shop. It’s a perfect circle of black. I jump in without thinking and land in a dark cave. I start digging with my bare hands, the earth thrown into the air floats away above my head.

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Dream #59 I'm pregnant

I’m pregnant.

I lie on a hospital bed with my feet up in front me in stirrups. I’m wearing a white gown patterned tiny blue diamonds. My hands lay flat, facing down on the bed either side of me.

My belly is a round globe.

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Dream #621 Hospital Work

I'm working at a hospital.

I don't know what my job is. In fact I don't know what I'm doing there at all. I'm in way over my head and everybody knows it. The staff make fun of me. I see them at reception giggling about how bad I am at the job.

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Dream #291 She had to be Killed

There was girl on my bed. A girl I was in love with. She was naked. Beautiful, pale skinned, soft.

She had to be killed.

There was something was inside her. Something evil and festering.

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Dream #076 Chased

A boy is running. A man and a woman are chasing him. He climbs a hill strewn with loose rocks and stones. His size three feet slip as he climbs. His breathing is rapid; his lungs ache with every step.

His two pursuers are gaining; a man and woman in long coats that flap in the wind like capes. They want something from him. Wait… that’s not right. They want something from inside him; an unknown power.

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Dream #142 The foxwolf

I’m in a house and I’m moving toward one of the front doors. I’m not sure why there are two front doors but I open the one on the right and what I see horrifies me.

The room beyond is a wooden hut with hay on the floor. A vast cloud of flies buzz angrily around the middle of the room. Beneath them is a dead animal. It has the head of a fox but its body is huge, more like a wolf and its fur is dark with blood.

I slam the door shut.


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Dream #131: Dinosaur dreams

I’m lying on my front with thick grass and plant life all around me. It’s hot and sticky. I look up and see high trees with a thick canopy that obscures the sky. I move forward slowly, dragging my body by the elbows. I have to stay quiet.

I glance behind me at my team. They follow closely their assault rifles ready. They wear army fatigues the colour of the jungle and their faces are painted black and green. I realise I am dressed the same. And in my hands is a rifle.


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Dream #125 Saving the boy

I’m walking through a world in ruins. Disease has ravaged humanity; one single disease that’s wiped out most of the human race. There is a quarantine area that spans 4 zones. These zones are the size of small countries where those that have the disease live in slums and squalor. Outside the zone the few unaffected live in relative comfort.

Each zone is a different stage of the disease with zone four being for those in the last few months before death. People are forced to go into zone one if they contract the illness. They are moved from each zone as the disease slowly kills them. Nobody wants to move down the zones but the others that live there force them to for fear of their own illness worsening. This makes the zones dangerous and violent.


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The Voices

The Voices in my head.

The Voices begin with a capital letter. The Voices are not pets. The Voices are not my friends. The Voices do not surrender to me; my mind surrenders to them.

They have their own individual consciousness and they live inside me like parasites who feed on my experiences, feelings and thoughts.

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The Sesame Street story

Puppets. I have a story about puppets.

I forget which birthday it was. Somewhere in my late teens anyway. My friend bought me and a few others tickets to see a live show of Sesame Street at the Edinburgh Playhouse. Why, you may ask, would five grown men want to go and see a live Sesame Street show? Well I have to admit that, even though I don't touch the stuff now, at the time I was a stoner and liked nothing better that a few joints and an amusing episode of Sesame Street. And so we when the live show was announced around the time of my birthday, it was a no brainer.

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Grubb says...

Things I’ve said recently that make me (possibly) a dick:

I don’t hate her, I just hate her face.

I’d rather bathe in my own vomit than go on a date with her.

I don’t really give a shit. (Repeat)

I don’t care what you think. (Repeat)

I wouldn’t sleep with her for practice.

There’s a dude that looks like he enjoys a good mirror.